missing dad all over again

today is dad's 4th death anniversary. he would have been 69.

if there's one person i REAAAAAAAAAAALLY miss, it would be him. he was GREAT. he was my idol. he was my friend. excuse me while i sob.

the day he died is still so vivid to me. i remember EVERYTHING. there weren't blogs then but i did write about it for my genogram for a subject in UP three years ago. so today, i brave the world as i "publish" a small portion of it, as my professor recommended then.

Promises made, promises kept

There was a time when I knew that Dad felt that we were all against him. He had decided to move out of the house and live with another woman. And although he had asked me once to leave the house with him, I only thought it proper to be with Mom and my siblings.

Dad was checking in and out of the hospital for a while. At one point, we had gotten tired of seeing him there and caring for him. It was as if we always made him well enough so he could leave us again.

But there was this one time when he was home for good that, while in a tight embrace, he sincerely asked me to promise to never leave him. I fulfilled that promise on August 16, 2000, the day he died. It was I who accompanied Daddy to the morgue to “put things in order.”

Alone, with him on a stainless steel gurney, I told him that I had made good my promise to him and bade him goodbye. I saw to the last of the details. I think he would have wanted it that way.

The death of my Dad has been the biggest blow in my life. To this day, I cry tears for his loss. When he died, I not only lost a father but a very, very good friend.

I dreamt about him a few weeks back for two straight nights. He was walking and talking, and hungry too! Just the way I would always like to remember him. It was really great to see him okay. I am very glad to know that he is in a much better place.